Pregnancy Blues

t was a gradual decline, in interest and activities that I loved to participate in. it is because I’m pregnant and keeping up with a toddler, and I am too exhausted to do this, or that-this is what I would tell myself and my husband when I didn’t want to do something.  I would wake up in the mornings, and start crying, dreading the day of what was ahead, being alone with just my kid, with no one to talk to, nothing to do, a dark cloud I couldn’t shake, even though the sun was beaming through my window, promising a bright hot day.  A perfect summer weather, but for me it was unbearable.  It wasn’t until I was on the phone with my best friend telling her through tears how hard this pregnancy was physically but emotionally.  I didn’t know that baby blues could happen during pregnancy, until she mentioned that it can and it does.

I had PPD with my first, so I expected and prepped to expect that with my second, but I didn’t expect it while I was pregnant. With a call to OB office, I was able to go in, talk and get an adjustment on my prescription.   My OB confirmed that yes, anxiety and depression does occur.  I couldn’t tell what was happening, because I just kept thinking, well I am pregnant and so emotional.



Mental health is just as important, if not more than physical.  It is a debilitating illness and we don’t need to be ashamed.  I know that PPD is more diagnosed and talked about, but I don’t read a lot about it during pregnancy. Pregnancy is looked as a happy, glowing, and emotional journey for women, and it really is, but it can also be emotionally and mentally hard, as I have come to find.  I love having my babies, and I just kept smiling to the world around me as if I was fine, but inside I was in pieces-until I was able to go in and talk about and get help. I still struggle with overcoming it as we all do with our trials, but I am relieved to get help, to know that is okay, and it doesn’t make less of a person, friend, wife, or mother.

 

Ladies, talk to your doctor, if you feel like something is wrong or notice a change. Don't be ashamed or afraid to mention your mood changes,etc especially during pregnancy. It wasn't until I talked to someone until I realized what was happening. 

For you...

Dear Little,

I have thought about how I need to protect you from the world a lot lately. How I need to show you that there is love, and help and kindness still left in people despite the constant sad, horrible, and hate that you see happening around us. How do I protect you from possible bullying and discrimination based on your gender, color, beliefs, that you may encounter in the world. I have spent many nights crying, as your dad and I have talked about how scared I am for you and your future siblings. That maybe it will be safer not to bring anymore children in such a scary world. But I can't let that stop me, where's my faith? I have to fight for what's right, find the positive that still exist in our world and constantly remind myself, we have such an Awesome, Almighty Father in Heaven, who loves all of us, His children, and will continue to protect, bless, guide and will make it all right in the end, whether in this life or the next.

I will always fight for you, and may I teach you to stand up for yourselves and others. I hope I can teach you to love, and serve despite differences, because we are all God's children. The world is such a scary place, many changes have and are happening, but may you have the voice of reason, and courage.  

Queen Books

It's colorful, vibrant pages captured our attention, from the very beginning!  Each page is filled with beautiful art work, has concepts that grabs both kids and grown ups. Bessie, Queen of the Sky is a delightful read.

Both Zahra and I enjoyed it. Zahra, who is a couple of days shy of two, was able to relate to Bessie. Z pointed out that Bessie likes to read books just like her. This book is such a great introduction to a beautiful part of our history. It puts a historic event that changed our world into a colorful, simple, love-able story of a little girl who worked hard to make her dreams come true. By all means, I am not saying it is the only book you need to teach your kids about this event, but it is an awesome way to help their developing brain and imagination make connections that we can do anything we put our mind to.

I seriously loved that it was not just another fairy tale where the girls needed saving, Bessie was her own hero and she made it happen despite trails and hardships. There is just so many opportunities for a life lesson, and it also a wonderful read. With each page I wanted to find out how she became the queen of the sky. One of my favorite thing about the book, at the end it includes a picture of Bessie Coleman who the book is based on, as well as dates, so older kids can do a little more research and find out more about who she was, especially if you want educational activities for kids to do while home schooling, or at anytime. 

Bessie, Queen of the sky is just the perfect read, helping our own princessess know that they can become anything. The world is changing, and it is so nice to see a book that tells of how far women have come, changed the world, and that not every girl is a damsel in distress nor need a prince to save her. 

I am excited to partner up with Queen Books to bring one of you lucky readers a copy of your very own. Bessie, Queen of the Sky will be available in hard copies in march. To enter: Follow me at houseofbills and queengirlspubl on Instagram to be entered.  Comment on my  under the "Queen of the Sky" post on my IG account when you have followed us both.The lucky winner will be announced on here on thursday. Trust me..you want your very own! 

Queen girls publishing donates one for one..for every book bought they donate one to help empower girls!! That's brownie points in my book ;)
Pre-order the book using the link below
PRE-ORDER: Inspiring girls through fairy tales - ‘Bessie, Queen of the Sky’  https://goo.gl/SukCii  #queengirls (110 characters)

Holidays

it was the perfect thing we could do to spend a day with our family. Between his Christmas Tour with Archuletta when Brady is home, we put in as much activity as the day allows. So I also took a day off my job, and decided to play with Zahra. It was the best, now I don't want to go back.haha

We looked up winter activities to do and decided to go for a sleigh ride! Brady tried to talk me into skiing and that a NAW..I just can't. but he's going to accomplish his goal one day and get me on the slopes I feel.

I had a very Gilmore Girls moment, you know..the episode where they all go for sleigh ride around christmas time into the town, go watch it. I love that show..so my bucket list item is checked off for me. It was perfect, and FREAKEN COLD!! I was like oh I'll be fine, I am so glad I bundled up the baby, better than ourselves.




But the look on her face and her reaction was so worth it. Whenever the horse made a noise, she said bless you horsee, and then will tell the horse go faster. we had a very hallmark scene, snow, pretty background, loved ones, and sleigh ride. Yep, we sure did sing jingle bells..lol.

This sweet horse who braved the cold for us, was Albert..the cutest thing ever. after that Z wanted a horse..hmmm.. maybe she'll forget :)





We seriously didn't want to leave this pretty resort, so we stayed and played in the snow covered blanket, and stopped by Santa's mailbox, and then headed for some hot cocoa. Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, because it felt like a movie.

Our Summer!

Our first hike with Baby Z at Battle creek falls!

Our first summer with Zahra was pretty laid back, no road trips this year.  We stayed home and played a lot and of course swimming, it was pretty hot. I always forget how hot Utah gets in the summer ( thank goodness, I'm not pregnant this time in the summer). Also it was our first time since we have been married that we've had central A/C.  We actually loved our Provo house rental, but it only had window units and our heater didn't work, what an adventure that was.  We got a Zoo pass, and went up there about 6 times, Z didn't care much for it but I love watching the animals.  I don't mind saying goodbye to Summer, but we liked playing with Daddy in the summer when he was off work.  Honestly I started thinking about fall in July. Fall is my FAVORITE SEASON!!!!  Hopefully next summer, we'll be able to do a vacation, since she'll be bigger and walking around by then. 

At the Zoo with Bailey and Riley!

Z and I rode on the train-it was pretty nice!

My favorite part about the Zoo-Elephants!!!

We went to the park, she likes to swing.

Swimming with friends! Z loves to splash, I am so glad she loves the pool!

All of us at the Zoo! 

Gluten Free Cookies

We like to make treats on sundays for family movie nights. We were out of normal all purpose flour, and butter. I borrowed butter from a friend, and decided to use the Gluten free flour I had in my pantry from some time ago when I thought I was allergic to Gluten, because of some stomach problems.

I followed a normal recipe for chocolate chip cookies, and used the Gluten Free flour from Red Mills, instead of the normal flour. I tasted the batter and choked...this was not a normal cookie batter. I read the suggestions on the flour package and it said to use Xanthum Gum. The only one I had was also gluten free. I decided maybe it will taste better once I bake it.  WRONG!!!!  It was so so gross.  I dumped the 3/4 cup of the milk chocolate chip cookies in the batter, and had nothing to show for it. The Bills  definitely don't do good with alternates to sweets, especially my husband. His face when he tasted the cookie, no joke, looked like a 3 year old boy who has just been told Batman wasn't real, and he said " that's the worst thing that's ever happened to me" ( of course exaggerating with that statement).  Well were will defiantly be redoing cookies today for FHE ( family home evening) with normal flour. It tasted as bad as it looks. I tossed both the dough and the made cookies. Sad attempt for the Bills Household!

Dear Stay at home/work moms,

For the past couple of weeks, I have been battling with either staying home or going to work. I love to teach ( I know...dealing with 200 8th and 9th graders five days a week, crazy huh). I mean I did go back to school to get my teaching certificate, which required student loans and applying for my program. I work hard so I can finish my Post Bacc degree in Health education. To go back to school a second time months after I got done with my BS, is insane. My husband even asked me a couple of times if I was sure, since I complained and griped every day coming home to do homework. 

I got accepted into my program before I knew we were about to have a baby.  I chose to keep going so I could help provide a better life for our family. First of all being pregnant in the summer while walking up hills, stinks! I felt like a watermelon on toothpics walking in peanut butter. I mean I was 7 months and still walking to classes, everyone passed me even turtles ( ok, I might be exaggerating it there, but still). People tell you how much you will love being a mom and fall in love with your newborn. I didn't quite understand that concept until I held her in my arms, until the love I feel for this little person,wanted to burst out of my chest. This little tiny person has my whole world. I remember crying for 3 weeks straight, because I knew that after 3 weeks I had no choice but go and do my student teaching, and leave my precious baby in someone else's care. How could I leave such a small little person, she needed me, I needed her. 

But for the past 12 weeks I have gotten up everyday at 6 am leaving the house by 6:40, running on no sleep to drop the baby off and go teach. I still have two more weeks left, until I can devote myself to this tiny person who needs me, though she's now 3 months. I am on spring break, and I have so enjoyed sleeping in, cuddling her and giving her kisses until she can't stand it anymore.  It is crazy, that I thought I would love teaching. I'm a huge health and wellness advocate, so to teach what I love felt great. Now I am at this point where, I love to teach and be a mom. I have never had the personality of being still, or staying home. I am the kind of person that likes to learn, and do and wants to do everything. I love life! I have been praying and battling with myself on whether I want to stay home or work. I know that I could apply part time, but there will be no use, as that part time money will just cover a baby sitter, not even money to pay off bills. My husband has been great and is supportive in which I ever I chose. I am so aware that the world and opportunity for women have changed and that there's a stigma that has changed about stay home moms, work moms, and etc.  I don't want to get jumbled up in that, I want to do what's right for our family. I have always been a person who works to contribute, I cleaned houses at 12, and baby sat to earn money. I have always worked as soon as I could. I don't know how not to work. I mean the reason I went back to school so I could provide a better future for our family, I could help with living expenses. If I stay home I need a hobby that could bring some type of income, I just hate feeling helpless. Especially when I have the student loan for going back to school.  I'm just caught in the middle. But then as this weeks ends and I look at my precious angel, I can't imagine not being there to hear her first words, see her first walk, soothe her cries and wants and give her my whole world. 

As I stand in front of the class, how can I not teach about health, and instill what it means to care and love for our bodies through our choices. Our family goal is to pay off my student loans, and any other payments so that when we are ready to buy a house one day, we just have house payments without all the other bills coming. We know that this will take a couple of years but we don't mind. I want to help  make that happen, because it will take two of us. This is one of the hardest decesions I have faced since I had to choose who to marry. I know that once she's old enough and in school I can go and teach and be home at the same time and we'll both be gone and home the same, but that's not yet. I am also a people person and love to be around people. I know there are play dates to plan to give me chances to talk to other moms, but I sometimes also need more than play dates. I love planning and talking to other teachers, I love teaching my students and hearing their random stories. I like that some feel safe to talk to me about life other than school. I like knowing I am helping them in someway too. I keep applying for jobs, because it is still a toss up. I figure if I get a job then there's an opportunity to discuss, I am giving myself choices. I am not saying that staying home is bad, in fact it is a noble, beautiful thing to raise the next leaders of the country.  But I struggle with it. There are times I need a break from crying baby, have an adult conversation. There are times, there was nothing I could do to soothe her and we are both crying until we are exhausted and fall asleep, or until my husband comes home and gives me a break. It is truly hard but rewarding calling. In fact it is the highest calling.  For all moms out there and moms to be..give yourself credit, give yourself a break. At the end of the day, we do the best that we can, whether you go to work, stay home or do both. You amaze me, for the single parents out there, You are Strong, Bold, and  amazing.  As I still are trying to decide I do pros for both, but as always my child comes first. It is a battle within myself.  For the Stay at home moms, and work moms, how do you do it? How do juggle everything from baby to house, from baby to house to work?

"Drive in Disaster"

Our attempted date night 

It has been a while, since I have written. In fact it has been a couple of years. So much has happened to our families since then. We now have a 3 month old baby girl, named Zahra( pronounced Zara, just with a silent H), whom we call Z. She is our whole world and we are so madly in love with her. As well said by Winnie the Pooh "Sometimes the smallest things takes up the most room in our heart" rings very true in our home. I went back to school to  get my teaching degree in Health education  in edition to my BS in Exercise and wellness. My husband is an Academy Director at an art school and plays in his original band, The Strike. They are phenomenal, and this is not because I am biased, it really is great music and family friendly entertainment. Check them out @Wearethesrike.com, or on their Facebook page Wearethestrike. Ok enough babbling...thats our little family thus far. 

The Drive-In

Brady and I are both on spring break this week, and have been doing the very best to take advantage of every minute of this family time. Monday we went to the Living Aquarium 25 minutes from our home. It was so much fun for all three of us to be together. Z slept pretty much the whole tour, and woke up for the last 10 minute for our family adventure.  My sweet husband planned to take me to a drive in movie later that night, since I have never been to one and always wanted to go. We couldn't find a sitter for Z, so we brought her along. I packed the car with every essential that we may ever need ( it looked like we were going camping in our SUV). I was loving it, and getting so excited. We got pizza, sodas, movie candy, the whole works for our date night.  Z started getting antsy by the time we were in line waiting for our tickets.  I unbuckled her once we found our spot for the movie, and made the back of the car like a bed with blankets and pillows. We couldn't open the hatch to watch  since it was chili and Z was already starting to get a cold. We rearrange the car so we could watch through the front windshield. By that time Z was frantic, there was no position that could settle her down. She started to whine, then get mad and cry. Her crying would be on and off, as we attempted to serve her every need, and want.  I handed Brady the baby, so I could get the pizza and drinks before the movie started. Needless to say I dropped 3 slices of pizza on the car floor ( 30 second rule right ;) ), and the candy all while the baby was getting mad. 

Our movie Insurgent started, and we tuned our radio for this big event I have been wanting to do. Ten minutes into the movie Z was restless, we became the car that everyone else noticed. Though the windows were up, we kept opening the car doors often as we tried different methods to calm the baby.  You know how you think you'll never be that annoying person during an event that makes others mad-Well I became that mom. At that moment I didn't care what other people were thinking, I just wanted to calm my baby down so she felt safe and I could have a date with my man. I don't even know what 15 minutes of the movie was about, I was having my own battle. Our SUV looked liked a clown car, with us coming in and out and random movements inside the car, trying to entertain an upset infant. I didn't want to go home, but eventually we buckled the screaming infant and drove.  To make sure we well liked, we drove right in front of other cars to exit, shining our lights inside their cars and on their faces. I think we were "popular". Z finally calmed down on the drive home. By the end of night, Brady and I were tired and annoyed at each other. I wanted to sob like a baby myself, nothing went right.  We came home and watched Castle, a show we watch together. I ate the candy, and drown my sorrows in a fanta soda. My guilty pleasure since I have been so careful about sweets as I am trying to get myself back to my desirable weight. At that moment when you lay in bed and want to cry, you just have to stop caring about calorie count. How could this planned event turn into a disaster, I was so sure of myself.  I have to remember that when you have children, nothing can be really planned, or expect the worse and hope for the best. That was my problem, I expected the best and hoped for perfection...haha what a joke! 

Do you guys out there have first date mishaps, or stories about the first date you try to have involving kids when you couldn't find a baby sitter? I would love to hear it! Leave me a comment.